Smoking Kills, a Prince of Tennis fanfic
by thecellocaseofdoom
Summary: GOVERNMENT WARNING: CIGARETTE SMOKING IS DANGEROUS TO YOUR HEALTH


**Hey minna! Okay, so this is basically just an extremely short humor oneshot. The plot came to me while waiting for my mom to finish paying for the groceries, and there was this little corner where there was a wall full of cigarettes. So naturally, I went over to inspect them and the woman on the counter kept giving me these suspicious looks, as if I was going to make off with a packet and run off screaming. Huh. **

**GOVERNMENT WARNING: SMOKING KILLS. **

* * *

Niou absentmindedly reached into his pocket, searching for that little box that was his way out of life's miseries. He groped around for a bit before admitting to himself that he had run out.

"Hey, Yuki, Kazumi," Niou drawled, walking over to the two girls who were crowding over something, sleek, shiny, and black. For a moment there, Niou amused himself with the notion that it was actually Jackal's head.

"Whatever it is, Niou, no." Kazumi spoke up, rolling her eyes at the mock-insulted Trickster.

"Aw, what kind of greeting is that? Aren't you happy to see me?" Niou smirked at the two.

"Your face! ---It haunts my once pleasant dreams!" Miyuki exclaimed sarcastically. Niou chuckled, but stopped quite abruptly when he saw what the two were crowding around.

"What the hell is—is that a gun?!" Niou exclaimed. The gun was shiny and obviously expensive, but the only thought Niou had right now was; why the heck do these two girls have guns.

"Well it's not a car," Kazumi snorted.

"Why do you have a gun?!" Niou walked over and touched a finger onto the sleek black metal.

"…To shoot people?" Was the beautiful response.

Niou backed away several steps.

"We wouldn't _kill_ you!" Miyuki protested.

Niou raised his eyebrows.

"In public," The twelve-year old girl corrected herself. Niou grinned as the two quickly hid the gun as Yukimura walked by with a serene smile on his face.

"What are you three crowding around?" Yukimura asked sweetly.

"Chocolate,"

"Puppies,"

"Bra,"

Yukimura stared.

"Chocolate covered bra…with puppies." Miyuki garbled and Kazumi nodded enthusiastically.

"Wow. Is that a new model?" Yukimura asked, a happy smile forming on his face. His little sister needed a new bra. Not that he would know.

"Yeah…." Kazumi nodded, staring at Yukimura as though he had just expressed his profound desire to become a ballerina.

"Tell me about it." Yukimura egged, smiling all the while. Niou tried to mask his laughter by coughing…then choking.

"It has a… portable…electric…fan… and a… mini…refrigerator…with…air bags." Miyuki said, twitching.

"My sister would love one. I'm going to go order one now." Yukimura gave them a little wave then went off to Avon.

The trio stared at him for quite a while.

"Well, whatever. Do me a favor, girls, and run over to the nearest store and grab me a couple of cigarettes." Niou broke the silence, dug into his pocket and handed Miyuki some money.

"What are we, your errand girls?" Kazumi rolled her eyes so hard for a second there she looked like an extra from the set of the Night of The Living Dead.

"No deal 'Haru," Miyuki replied curtly.

"And _nothing _you say can change that," They said in unison.

Niou smirked. "Are you sure?"

******

Two minutes later found both girls in front of the store, both with disgruntled expressions on their faces and several X-rated scenes imbedded into their minds by the Trickster, who, turns out, had watched a lot of R-rated movies.

"I will _never_ be able to look at banana again." Kazumi finally spoke, breaking the silence. Miyuki nodded in sympathy.

"What can I do for you?" A pudgy woman with a red nose said crossly. The nose kind of looked like a potato. Kazumi stared intently at the potato\nose, willing for it to change into something that resembled a breathing organ. No such luck.

"Um. Our deranged psycho bitch-friend asked us to get him a couple of cigarettes, so…" Miyuki trailed off. The woman sighed in sympathy, gave them a look that clearly said 'men-are-morons-might-as-well-live-with-it' and told them to go ahead and look for a suitable brand.

"…Hey Yuki, look at this one." Kazumi picked one green Hope box gingerly with her fingers.

"Oh yeah…" Miyuki said, trailing her eyes over the white words printed below. Suddenly, huge identical smiles sprouted on the girls' faces.

"Oh, excuse me," Miyuki called out. The woman turned around.

"Slight change of plans…"

*****

That night, 175 boxes of cigarettes were delivered in front of the Niou household.

Niou thrust his hand into the box, pulled out a packet of green Hope cigarettes and proceeded to light one.

His eyes trailed over the white words and he gave a disbelieving snort.

Who wanted to live forever anyway?

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**Well there it is! XD Hope you guys found the ending funny. Please don't forget to review and thanks for reading!!!!**

**~Miyu **


End file.
